Chronicle Books

Stephen Colbert’s Writer Perfectly Describes My Turkey Trot Experience Cometh!

 

Let me ask a question, “How many of you will be running a Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day?”  If so, raise your hands. No, I can’t see them but imagine if I could. There would be thousands. Mine’s up too, mind you.

 

My family has been running the Turkey Trot ever since we moved to Madison, Connecticut, about five years ago. What better way to rid yourself of the guilt of devouring your whole week’s worth of calories than running five miles the morning immediately preceding your gorge-fest? Of course, me being the competitive lady that I am, adopted the added ritual of warming up with an extra four miles prior to the actual race itself, which, I realize places me squarely in the category of crazy and a contender to win basically nothing, except maybe a charlie horse and an extra portion of mashed potatoes. God knows, I am not going to reach the finish line at the head of the pack. Those that do are showered, changed, and swigging down their first glass of holiday cheer before I round the corner to the end.

 

I, on the other hand, normally finish among the top two-thirds, using a strategy that has now taken on a whole new meaning after reading the chapter “Running a Marathon” in How to Win at Everything: Even Things You Can't or Shouldn't Try to Win At (Chronicle Books 2013).  Written by author and Emmy award-winning writer at "The Late Show with Stephen Colbert,"Daniel Kibblesmith, I cannot explain how accurately Kibblesmith captures the entire experience then carves it up and dresses it with the humor it so deserves. I have no doubt that I will spend this November’s Turkey Trot reimagining what he wrote the whole way, especially when broaching Mile 5:

 

“You’ll begin to emit a thin layer of perspiration. Ignore it--it’s just your body’s way of signaling that it’s not sure why you’re trying to kill it.”

 

If that doesn’t adequately describe this self-induced torture, I don’t know what does. No doubt, if I think too hard about this chapter or numerous others in Kibblesmith’s book while running, I will undoubtedly lose pace. That said, I will also have someone to thank for the added perspective and the laughs and so will you given you pick up a copy of your own and read it prior to pinning on your bibs and acting plucky.

 

You will be thankful that I recommended doing so, I promise. The randomness of every topic included delivers a cornucopia of fun and hilarity for both trotters and all those observers cheering from the sidelines as well as your many impatient guests hangerly awaiting your return back at home so that they may finally scoff down the grub, leave you with the dishes and assume their napping positions for the game.

 

Isn’t that how it happens at your house?  It does mine. There’s humor in there somewhere. I may just have to rely on Daniel Kibblesmith’s next book to point it out to me or quite possibly, a sit-down between him and Stephen Colbert on The Late Show talking turkey. Wouldn’t that be genius? Let me know if it happens as that is one episode I don't want to miss.

 

In the meantime, “Good Luck” all you trotters and Happy Thanksgiving everyone!